So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
