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I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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