you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
