just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
