i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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