Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
