clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
