He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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