had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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