Porn is love you can see.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
