sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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