Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
