Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
