We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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