did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
