omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
