you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
