The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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