What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
