Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
