I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
