we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
