Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
