Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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