we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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