This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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