Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
