My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
