She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
