We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
