3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize