Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
