we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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