he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So squirting runs in the family.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
