New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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