Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
