so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize