if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Randomize