He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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