Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
