there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
