I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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