When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
