so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
