I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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