I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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