ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize