I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
