dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
