My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
