Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
