i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
