dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
