kristin has been a bad kristin
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
