when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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