Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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