im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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