theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
