You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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