please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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