he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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