woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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