So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I want is dick and wine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
