All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
