is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
