can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
