I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
