i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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