I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
