I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
