you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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