he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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