I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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