i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
